The confession of an idealist

[JounQin]

You know or not, I worked only 8 months at @AlibabaGroup due to clinical depression, but I was proud of that, and I tagged me working/worked at alibaba all through my social media like @github @zhihu etc, and shamefully to claim at I'm working at @AlaudaInc actually due to company size.

But I'm so proud of working at @AlaudaInc now. I know I have the possibility to implement my idealistic ideas that I can never make it happen if I'm working at @AlibabaGroup or any other big business companies. I'm too small to change it's working mechanism.

I hope I can be a good teacher for some colleagues who's lacking of experiences. I can't and don't want to be a tech lead, I really want to be a good friend with them. I'm experienced some or not in many areas, and I hope they can just bypass the potholes I've stepped in.

But that's said, stubbornly insist on one's own ideas(不撞南墙不回头 in Chinese, I don't know if it's the correct translation via @DeepLcom), you'll learn nothing before you got the pain.

I was clever when I was young, and I didn't learn hard but I got high scores, I even didn't need to take the middle school entrance examination in China, and finally failed at the college entrance examination "accidentally". Yes, it's really an accident to me.

But I refused to restudy at the high school, and met my current wife in the college. This is the most magical thing in our lives. She got a high score actually, but she was "cheated" by the city/college name. That made us two met and love with each other.

I experienced clinical depression and two relapses, my wife never gave me up. My company @AlaudaInc never gave me up. After that, I decided to put all my passion onto my family and work. Now, I'm really proud of being one of the core developers in @AlaudaInc!

"If you are lazy in your prime, you'll be sorry in your old age." I believe this proverbs very much now. But we can't go back anymore, let's have a good life every day since today/now. We still have the chance to make our one life at a time meaningful.

Oh, I forgot to mention that, it was mdx-js/eslint-mdx that gave the self-confidence to code again every time, v1/v2 and v3 now. And thanks to @wooorm, you're my soul mentor in the OSS world and thanks to @remcohaszing you give the reality example that how to collaborate.

---

Hope this helps. ❤️

[JounQin]

知乎首发： https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/676954407

[JounQin]

工作后第一次尝试用英文写作。❤️

[heijiangjun]

我也不喜欢大公司的僵化，呆板和冷漠。很怀念前公司的氛围，但是很可惜前公司因为资金问题倒了。现在还是想去小公司团队一起做一件事，但是可能再也遇不到之前那种氛围的团队了吧。

[lstz]

thanks for sharing your story.

I can understand that being depressive is assembly uneasy in alibaba coz they're working hard that they probably don't care about your depression, nor show their sympathy to you.

I'm convinced that every decision is meaningful although sometimes it's not the best, forget about the past, let's just move on and commence a new chapter in our life.

[lstz]

I'd like to use Grammarly to correct my text instead of revising the entire text and pasting it.
Although the revised one sounds like more natural, I will not actually improve my ability and will depend on those revised tools too much which is not recommened

[kangyue9999]

我觉得吧，用你能表达清楚的语言跟大家交流最重要，

"I tagged me working/worked at alibaba all through my social media like @github @zhihu etc, and shamefully to claim at I'm working at @AlaudaInc actually due to company size."

抑郁症需要药物和自己两方向的努力。祝你成功

[JounQin]

@kangyue9999 这些，正在努力。

[JounQin]

@kangyue9999 谢谢，打错了，2333 。

[JounQin]

@heijiangjun 所以我很庆幸现在留在小公司，男人真的至死是少年。我哥他们都劝我不要这么理想主义了，我希望亲身实践一次看看。

[JounQin]

@lstz Thank you very much! Your support means a lot to me, really.